Saturday, April 4, 2009

I'm Not Dead...I'm Just Dodging Curveballs

I just thought I'd stop by MY OWN BLOG to tell everyone I'm still alive.

The last few weeks have been 1) surprising 2) a bit alarming 3) a huge, distracting pain in my ass.

I'm having teenager and school issues. My "A" student was failing all her core classes. It was a shock to my system, indeed, and I went through the "I am a horrible mom for not having seen this" and "how could my baby lie to me with such a straight-face?" phase. Now, I am taking action. I am the homework police and literally sitting on my daughter to make sure she does her work, puts it in her bookbag, and HANDS IT TO HER FREAKING TEACHERS. I email each of them every few days to confirm. So far, in a few short weeks, she's gone from risking repeating 7th grade to a 3.4GPA. WTF!!!!

This on top of already sitting on my third grader to finish his homework before running out to play basketball, stuffing his face with cookies to keep him from whining and crying, and yelling at the dogs to keep them from barking because they, too, want to go out and play.

This on top of my "I refuse to believe I've hit middle-age" husband who continues to do karate despite already tearing a bicep 7 years ago, who went out last weekend and tore HIS OTHER BICEP leading us to the ER and the hospital next week for surgery and 6 weeks of immobilizing and painful post-op.

This while we've been attempting to spring clean and spruce up our house for our daughter's upcoming Bat Mitzvah. (Apparently, now the heavy lifting is all MINE).

And you know, I could be the sensitive, doting, wife (but when have I ever been, really).
Instead, I am pissed...and you know why????, No??? I'll tell you... Because even after tearing both his bicep tendons, muscles, whatever, (not to mention countless other back and other large muscle injuries over the years), HE IS STILL GOING TO GO BACK TO KARATE WHEN HE'S HEALED... TO GET HIS BLACK BELT!

F**K THAT!

I say if he wants sensitivity, here's what he should do:
1) Send me to Hawaii
2) Call rent-a-wife.

"Oh, poor baby".
ALOHA.



Nice talking to y'all. Hope to be back soon!

8 Comments:

Adlibby said...

Oh my! I feel your pain sister! First of all homework sucks monkey-balls! I'm still not sure how it really helps out the 1st grade set... or third for that matter.

And on the matter of Mr. Karate -- This is EXACTLY why I am lacking in sympathy for my own Mr. Man. He's a big ol' whiner baby, but then he runs into walls of his own making. Grrrrr...

You need a nice glass of merlot! But since I'm fresh out, here's a margarita. It'll do in a pinch! ;)
Hang in there!

AMomTwoBoys said...

I love you.

And I'm TOTALLY going to Hawaii with you.

But before that, we're going to meet for lunch one of these days. SOON.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Crap, so the homework thing gets WORSE? I thought once my 5 year old could read more independently, I wouldn't have to pull her fingernails out to get her to do homework. DAMN!

Having to shoulder all the heavy lifting, in and of itself, would be enough for me to bribe the doc into telling hubby he's no longer allowed to do Karate.

Elisa said...

When do we leave?

Manic Mommy said...

Hawaii? I'm in!

Did I mention that my 40 year old husband dislocated AND broke his shoulder back in December sledding down our neighbor's driveway, standing up on the sled, then landing on said shoulder?

Quite a turn-around on the schoolwork. Is it puberty rearing its ugly head? My 13 yo niece is hell on wheels right now.

Chris said...

I understand! My husband and I used to mountain bike and he's a very good bike handler. Now that we're in our 40s, when I see him trying to maneuver the bike over a six-foot boulder with a "hop", I tell him I'm no "Dana" (may she rest in peace) if he pulls a "Christopher Reeve" (may he rest in peace). I can't do it.

Hope the Bat Mitzvah goes beautifully!

phd in yogurtry said...

I was just reading about your daughter in the book, "Promise you won't freak out."

same story. failing grades. mom jumpstarts into action.

In the girls case (in the book) the diagnosis was boy-crazy.

InTheFastLane said...

My daughter drives me BATTY. She is so smart but does the minimum and i have had to start checking in with her math teacher because she was sliding so much. GAR....

Hang in there!

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