Friday, February 18, 2011

Off The Blogger Grid

Wow.  It's been a long time.  My many thanks to those of you who are actually still receiving my posts, you are a patient group.

I could give you the excuse that I've been busy - with writing and general domestic chaos - it wouldn't be the first time and it would only be partially true.  The other part of that truth is that I am having a blogging identity crisis.

When I started merlotmom, as is representative of the blog's name, I was writing about the daily deeds and conundrums of being a SAHM.  My kids were 7 and 10 and I had plenty of stories and queries to share with my blogger friends and I loved hearing yours as well.

Now, my kids are 10 and 14, and I know some of you are comfortable sharing your family stories despite the ages of your kids,  but as my kids have grown, particularly my eldest, the issues have become more delicate I have found it increasingly difficult to make their daily dramas public.

In addition, I have FINALLY broken through the writer's block that set in last Spring and I have been working hard figuring out the process that will help me write my FREAKIN' first novel already.  I am not always as productive as I would like to be but I am trying to forgive myself and permit myself the time to find the right method for me.  It has meant confronting my demons, as they relate to my life-long fear of failure and lack of confidence.  This is my current journey and it has been tough.

A pleasant part of that journey has been visiting the plethora of writing blogs out there.  There are so many good ones with great articles on technique and advice that I feel as if I'm working toward that creative writing degree I always wanted but was too frightened to attempt.  This is where I am putting all my extra-familial energy right now.

Point is, I'm not sure "merlotmom" is still working for me, though, trust me, I am still drinking the merlot, I'm just doing it off the blogger grid these days.   I considered starting a writing blog (something with a different title for obvious reasons),  a journal of the trials and tribulations of writing my first novel, but that has already been done out there and part of me feels like a newbie who might not have much valid, literary knowledge or advice to offer. 

So, that, along with the reticence to publicize my continuing and ever-changing family soap operas, has left me at a blogging loss.  The identity crisis.

I love having a blog.  I love reading your comments and discovering you lurkers out there.  I just need to see if I can find a new niche for myself in bloggersville.  In the meantime, merlotmom will remain in case I have something permissible and brilliant to share.  Who knows?

I hope you'll be there if I do.

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