Friday, September 19, 2008

I'm Too Busy Freaking Out To Write A Coherent Post

My daughter is 12 years old today.

Did you hear me...T-W-E-L-V-E !

I'd like to prove to you that this is mathematically impossible but, the sad thing is, it hasn't been mathematically impossible for... (computing...computing...) TWENTY-TWO YEARS. Ack!

13 (first period) + 12 (daughter's age) = 25 - 47 (my age in Dec.) = one very depressed, number-challenged mama.

I mean Jamie Lynn Spears will be 28 when her daughter is 12. Bristol Palin, not quite 30. Hello? Should I be jealous? Jeez, what am I saying? See, I told you, I'm incoherent.

It's just that I blinked my eyes and suddenly I'm almost 50 with a teenager on my hands. (If this post goes on any longer I'll be ready for retirement by the time it's finished). Forget pre-teen. Have you seen girls these days? 12 is the new 15. These babes are TEENAGERS.

In my mind, I'm still the 12 year old girl, pimples erupting, hormones raging and silently crushing on cute, young boys who don't give me the time of day. Only now it's labeled peri-menopause. Or sad. Or Cougar.

Someone, quick, get me a rope.

I'll be spending my weekend soaking my wrinkled face and caramel-coated grays in a nice room-temperature tub of merlot BUT you all have a terrific weekend.

Visit me next week for Give Me The Grateful Life - Monday and the next installment of Merlotmom Does Japan. By then, I should be less hysterical, more grateful ... or dead.

TTYL girlfriends!

15 Comments:

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Happy Birthday to her!

I will be 47 when my oldest is 12 as well. 6 more years to go!

Jan said...

Ahhh...welcome to the wonderful world of adolescent daughters.

We are here for you.

Buy more wine.

Headless Mom said...

Happy day to the girl.

I'm uncorking for you now!!

Tina said...

Happy Birthday to your daughter! Let's see, my daughter is 24, I'm 48, divided by three kids times 25 years married = math sucks. Forget it, it doesn't matter. No matter how old you are when your kids hit the teen years, you suffer. So enjoy your weekend, enjoy your wine, and enjoy your daughter. And eat some ice cream. It cures everything.

ThursdayNext said...

I am thirty and will be an older mom as well since I am not marrying my Prince for another two years...its all good! I look forward to being an older mom. ;)

As for a tub of merlot...goodness that sounds good. :)

Marinka said...

No rope, but I'm having a glass of wine in your honor! I'll be 46 when my youngest is 12. AND 47 WHEN HE IS 13. OMG, I'll be 50 when he is 16. Good thing that that the teens are traditionally known to be the calm years, so I can hot flash in peace.

Happy birthday to your daughter. Enjoy it, mom!

Immoral Matriarch said...

Happy Birthday to her! I will be...31 when my oldest is 12. Wow.

Manic Mommy said...

I'll be 46 when HRH is 12. When I was 12, my mom was 34, which is how old I was when I had HRH. What was I saying? Oh yeah, happy birthday to your girl.

Buckle your seatbelts puberty's a bitch.

texasholly said...

Holy crap do I feel your pain. My oldest will be 12 when I am 44...Holy crap! Holy crap! Holy crap! And that took me like 12 minutes to figure out. You probably had 6 additional comments during that time. Holy crap!

Happy birthday...

zandor said...

Happy birthday to her. I don't have any kids so there isn't anyone for me to say that about. Although, if I had a 12 year old I would have been... 9yrs old when I had them.

Vodka Mom said...

be careful- that thief Mr. TIme is always sneaking up on you! I'll send you a box of wine and some tissues. Call me when you take her to PUT HER ON THE PILL. Then we'll talk........

Karen said...

My daughter is 13.5. MY SON is 18. Im hiding OUT in your bucket of merlot. Sssshhh! Don't let on that I am in here!! THEY MIGHT WANT SOMETHING !!! aaarrrgh!!! And I am 42. whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the mama bird diaries said...

Oh I see your stress. Isn't it weird how we never FEEL any older... we just look older? I always thought i would wake up one day and feel "old" but I just feel like me.

And you are hardly 50, miss 46. And plus, you look incredible.

Happy Birthday to your daughter!!

cpckqueen said...

I remember when she was born...we were pretty darn young and STUPID!!!!!

Anna Lefler said...

I will be bitter when my oldest turns 12. Oh, wait, I already AM bitter and she's still only 9. She might as well be a teen, at least in some ways. I can hear her playing Def Leppard in her room right now. Oh, wait, that's my CD. Dang it!

And we all have to stop saying "perimenopause." It sounds waaay too much like "Perry Como" for my taste. [shudder]

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