Adventures In Babysitting

I am thrilled Heather from TheSpohrsAreMultiplying agreed to guest post for me while I'm gone. I met Heather at a BlogHer party for LA Moms Blog and liked her instantly. Her blog is a delicious mixture of sentiment and humor and her daughter, Maddie, is well, stunning. If you haven't read Heather's guest post for Black Hockey Jesus, you must go there right now. She had me at "Hi, there." Enjoy.

I started babysitting when I was 11 years old. Apparently the
neighborhood parents found me trustworthy. And, really, I WAS
trustworthy. I didn't snoop through their stuff or invite my friends
over or anything like that. I was a good babysitter, too. The kids
loved me because I would play lots of games, let them braid stuff into
my hair, and eat as much ice cream as they wanted. You know, typical
babysitter stuff.

This isn't to say I was the perfect babysitter. I would often trick
the kids to get a little peace and quiet to do my homework or watch
TV. I was sitting for two little boys who were incredibly
rambunctious. They tired me out after two hours and I didn't know HOW
I would make it through another four until their parents came home. I
got them ready for bed right after dinner, and herded them into their
joint bedroom at 6:45.

"Bedtime!" I chirped.

"But, it's still light out!" said the four year old.

"Oh, that's because it's daylight savings!" I told the four year old.

"What's daylight savings?" asked the six year old.

"Oh, that's where all the time changes and you go to bed when the sun
is still up. You'll learn about it in school this year. Time for bed
now!"

The rest of the night I watched HBO and ate Doritos. It was glorious.

Another time I was watching a young girl that went to sleep at seven
pm. Once I got her down, I was desperate for something sweet. There
wasn't any ice cream, candy, or soda in the house. I opened up the
pantry, hoping to find some chocolate chips or something. I didn't
discover any chocolate (and seriously, I would have had baking
chocolate at that point), but I DID find some Lucky Charms cereal in
the back corner. I grabbed the box of cereal, and then proceeded to
eat every last marshmallow out of the box. Hope the parents enjoyed
the frosted cereal sans lucky charms.

One time I was sitting for four kids - three boys and a girl. To say
they were hellions would give innocent hellions everywhere a bad name.
They were the type of siblings that were always trying to one-up each
other. If they were eating, it was a competition to finish first.
Playing in the backyard was a constant contest - and the SHEER VOLUME
at which they talked made my ears bleed. I went over to their house
one night with a borderline migraine, and I was really scared it would
turn into a full-fledged vomit-inducing headache. The children were in
typical form, so as soon as the parents left, I suggested a new game.

"What's the game?!" the middle boy asked excitedly.

"It's a contest where the four of you lay down, and you close your
eyes and you have to be completely still and silent. It's called,
'Coma.'"

"How do you WIIIIIIIIIIIN?!" whined the girl.

"Well, whoever is quiet and still the longest is the winner. I'll be
the judge, but you'll all hear if one of you talks or makes a noise."

"What do we win as a prize?" asked the oldest boy.

"The winner....gets the BIGGEST piece of PIZZA!"

The kids were sold. They all laid on the various couches and cushions
in the family room.

"Feel free to grab blankets and stuff. Get REALLY comfortable. Coma is
a VERY hard game. I don't know if you four are old enough to be really
good at it."

Well, they all took my challenge as a personal affront. They assumed
their positions with renewed vigor, and after I encouraged them to
close their eyes,,,they all fell asleep. It was a trick I pulled out
repeatedly, always with success.

Now that I'm a mom, I sometimes think about the things I did as a
babysitter to get a moment's piece - and I know that I will dip into
my bag of tricks again. I mean, come on - "Coma" is genius.