Daddy Trainee

I met Mike from The Newborn Identity briefly at BlogHer and liked him immediately cuz he's Heather's husband AND he's a writer living in LA. (I don't meet too many of those in San Francisco.) I didn't get to hang with him much that weekend but since reading his blog, I believe we're good friends. I love his take on being a SAHD and thought this blog could benefit from a hit of testosterone. He's a great writer and a terrific dad so without further adieu...meet Mike.

I was totally okay with being a stay at home dad. Some guys find it
below them, but not me. I realized that the most important job anyone
could have is raising a child, and within minutes of Maddie's coming
home I decided I was going to rock the world of the stay at home dad.
I was way over confident and had all these ideas of how awesome I was
going to be…that is until I learned the actual duties of the job.

One of the first duties I learned about was the changing of Maddie's
diaper. This proved way harder than anyone had told me. Previously,
whenever I talked to women about changing diapers, they all said, "Oh
my God! When you change a diaper watch out for the geyser of pee that
could burst out of a baby boy's pee-pee at any moment!" I heard this
so many times I thought, "Whoo-hoo! Changing the diaper of a girl baby
will be a cinch! Well, ladies who complain about baby boy wieners that
pee, perhaps you should have told us men that when you change a girl
baby's diaper you have to first wipe poo out of her vagina!!!! This
may seem less gross than a peeing baby penis to you, ladies, but to
dudes? Not so much! In fact it is just about the most disgusting thing
us dudes could ever imagine!

Anyhoo…once I got used to cleaning the part referenced above…I then
had to take Maddie to the doctor. I did my best to be a good dad and
packed an extra diaper, food, wipes, you name it. Once I got to the
doctor's office, however, they told me to undress Maddie so she would
be ready for the doctor once she came in to see her. I took off
Maddie's clothes and she started crying.

"She must be cold," said the nurse. "Wrap her in your blanket."

I gulped. "My blanket?"

The nurse sighed like I was a jackass. "You didn't bring one?"

I shook my head like a guilty little boy. She left the room and came
back with an adult sized hospital gown that she told me to wrap Maddie
in. Once she left I wrapped Maddie in the hospital gown and felt like
a total loser in the parenting world. I realized this stay at home
Daddy thing was not going to be as easy as I thought.

I am happy to say, however, that nine months in I have improved so
much at parenting that I am unafraid to call myself a pretty damn good
stay at home dad. Wiping poo from the va-jay-jay? No problem. I can
even do it without vomiting! Remembering blankets for the doctor's
appointment? Check. No problem. And, of course, the most important
one…loving my munchkin like nothing else in the world? Check.