Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The Accidental Tourist: A Boy and His Dog (Revised)


If you're a regular here, you've heard of my recent trials with our new puppy, Peanut: the smelly accidents, the bloody mess, the constant tripping over her as she attaches herself to my thigh...you've been patient, supportive, delivered the appropriate amount of sympathy, so I'll reward your good natures with a story that will make you chuckle.

My son, J, you know, the-one-I-haven't-put-up-for-adoption-despite-his-anger-management-issues-
because-when-he's-not-being-a-royal-pain-in-the-ass-he's-so-damn-cute-and-
sweet-that-when-I-don't-want-to-smack-him-I-just-want-to-eat-him...

Well, the other reason I haven't kicked him to the curb is because he makes me laugh. The kid's got talent. Anyway, the other day, he was running around naked before showering and he decided to see what Peanut would do when introduced to a penis. He shimmied and shook his little cocktail weiner to get the dog's attention. I warned him against it but he's stubborn that way. What does Mom know, right? Like chum to a fish, Peanut came runnin'. I watched with one eye open and the rest of my face scrunched. Immediately, Peanut did what all dogs do when encountered with something new.

She sniffed it.
J giggled.
She licked it.
J laughed.
She licked it again.
J stopped laughing.
She licked it again.
J closed his eyes.
J started moaning

"Okay, enough," I said separating the two from their momentary bliss.

For a moment, my son toured a region of the world I was hoping he wouldn't visit AT LEAST until high school (and when he did I was hoping he'd see it with a nice girl named Madison, Hannah, or Lily) .

I guess this is the first of many maternal fantasies crushed by independent-thinking children.

Bon Voyage.


*Thank you to Nanny Goats In Panties (she is every bit as funny as her name) who honored me with my first blogging award, although it's in Spanish and I have to say, despite being an A student in the language, I have no idea what the heck this award is about because the blog is in, yep, you guessed it, Spanish. But I'll take an award anywhere I can get it, so here it is.
Ta Da!

The Arte Y Pico Award

Hmmm, any clues? Anyhow, here are the rules for this prestigious kudo:

1) You must choose 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award for creativity, design, interesting material, and contribution to the blogging community, regardless of language.

2) You must publish the name of each award-winning author as well as a link to his or her blog.

3) Each award-winner must post a picture of the award and link back to the blog that has given the award.

4) Both the giver and the recipient of the award must link to the “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5) You must post these rules.

Okay, so I hereby bestow this glorious piece of blog bling to the following, most deserving of blogs:

A Mom Two Boys
Manic Mommy
June Cleaver Nirvana
Candid Carrie
MidLifeBloggers

Enjoy!

8 Comments:

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

OMG! Too funny. Glad I have girls and puppies.

ByJane said...

I love when you talk dirty!

HRH said...

Holy cow! That story really set me up for this award! hahahaha. Very cute.

Hey, thanks for the award. I really appreciate it. I am unaware of any blog rules that say I can't have another one so I am grabbing it with gratitude. Really, thanks!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Is this one of those posts that will horrify yoru son when he IS in high school and sees the hard (no pun intended) cover version of your published blog tales?

A Mom Two Boys said...

Gracias, Mi Amiga!

I can't wait to go to BlogHer and have a Cerveza with you. Or tequila. Or a mojito.

Or wine.

And what is WRONG with boys? Gah. They're so...weird. Anything for a little pleasure, no?

A Mom Two Boys said...

Hey! I was just looking at your sidebar (why's it all wonky?) and I see you're doing the photo walk! Yay! Me too!

I'm going to re-do the button later today (or tomorrow since I'll be sans computer all day) and make a smaller one. Hopefully that will fit better.

Jan said...

Oh, thank goodness - I thought Peanut was going to grab it and try to play fetch.

Honestly, though, this made literally laugh out loud.

Kids? They grow up fast.

Candid Carrie said...

Whew, I am late. I was in the bathroom, not really but it seems to be the excuse famous people use when they are late for accepting an award. What? I am not famous yet? Alright, I'll get over myself.

First and foremost, I'd like to thank Jesus for making sure my mama didn't use drugs during her pregnancy fifty some years ago. I know she drank coffee and smoked some filtered cigarettes to keep my birth size small, but she did nothing hardcore and as a result of that I was born with all of my fingers. Without Jesus, I wouldn't have a blog.

Second, I'd like to thank Mrs. Merlot for offering this Angel Statuette which was handcrafted in my likeness by a blind hut dweller in Italy. What do you mean it isn't an Italian award. Spanish? I got an award from the Hispanic Blogging Association? Alright, Uno, dos, one, two, tres, quatro Matty told Hatty about a thing she saw ...

Why are they playing the music? Thank you.

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