THE HONEYMOON IS OVER

Remember when you could go out at night, party with friends, and show up to work the next day ready to roll?? For me those days are gone - that honeymoon is O-V-E-R. Last night was a cruel reminder. Since returning from winter vacation, our days had been free of temper tantrums, physical brawls, and serious injuries, so I thought I'd hang onto the illusion and have dinner with some girlfriends. Sushi and cocktails are a natural combo - like strawberries and champagne, peanut butter and chocolate, blow jobs and kleenex. One cocktail was so tasty it led to another. Later, I popped an Advil while dreams of a docile morning danced in my head. I awoke the next day, immediately hit with the realization that I was the morning classroom volunteer. Shit! I got everyone off to school, dragged my disheveled self to the classroom, breakfast bar and steaming green tea in hand. As I corrected homework, it became clear that I was in sorry shape. My brain was on brown out - straining to figure out the combined total of 1 quarter, 4 dimes and 4 pennies. (I can see you calculating...) I stared at this basic math as if attempting to solve Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Normally, I enjoy volunteering in the class for a few reasons: 1. Because children truly do say the darndest things. 2. Because I love seeing my son's shyly contented face as I enter the room and 3. Because it becomes clear to me that my kid's listening skills suck just as much as those of his peers. (Alright, a few girls are better, but they're the exception.) At an intimate ratio of 6:1, it was as if I wasn't even there. I wondered what distracting thoughts whizzed and zoomed around in their unkempt little heads. I envied them. As I failed to get their attention, I was reminded of the weary economics teacher from FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF, "Anyone?...Anyone?"
Most of these kids don't know me well enough to disrespect me. At least now I know not to take my son's rejection personally. I accept these comforts no matter how oblique.



P.S. Since earlier today when I drafted this entry , we've had multiple meltdowns, flying shards of glass, but thankfully, no injuries. Like I said, O-V-E-R.