Merlotmom Does Japan: Part 3 - How To Keep Your Kids Smiling While Traveling: A Tutorial

I know you're ANXIOUSLY awaiting the tale of my ER incident and the PEED ON MY FOOT fiasco, as well as more virtual touring of Japan, but I think you (and by you I mean I) need a momentary break from temples and shrines (and hideously long, time-sucking posts...and painfully long run-on sentences).

International travel is hard;  the long flight, the time change, the dearth of restaurants serving chicken fingers and grilled cheese...  

We knew taking the kids abroad would be an adventure (and by adventure I mean pain in the ass).  So we gave no a lot of thought to how to keep the Merlot kiddies smiling.

Take a look...

First we prayed to the G-ds that we wouldn't kill each other

Then hubby and I got to work

 We dropped everything upon hearing the first, "I'm thirsty" and bought them whatever they wanted to drink

 

No matter the beverage was loaded with caffeine and high-fructose corn syrup  
Artificial stimulants kept them in motion

We didn't wait for the predictable groan, "I'm hungry"
  We bought them food whenever and wherever it was available

 

 

No matter much of the foods were packed with trans-fats and processed sugars  
We dubbed them our empty calorie engines that could

We timed our itinerary to hit the hotel just as the toxins reached their jittery, nutrient-deprived brains

and we rested our feet

and turned on the TV 
and handed out Nintendos like it was Christmas

  



We took them to restaurants where the entertainment was included

We swallowed slimy and deep-fried sea creatures with multitudes of legs

Hubby took Merlot boy to a Japanese baseball game

 We stayed at an American hotel in Kyoto (Hyatt) with modern rooms, separate beds,  and gourmet hamburgers

(don't miss Merlot boy's body in the background)

We bought Merlot boy a dry shirt after he got soaked a few drops on him in the rain

We bought Merlot boy yet another jersey because he whined and pouted politely asked for it

We forced him to pose for lots of silly pictures

And if any of that failed to whip them into shape
we didn't hesitate to make the following threats:


 "Behave or you'll trade places with that monkey and have to work for a living"

"Stop complaining or we'll leave you in the big scary bamboo forest to find your way home"

"Quit fighting or we'll call the babysitter"

So... should any of you find yourselves traveling abroad with your kids, feel free to use my kinda, sorta, oh who am i kidding foolproof methods for a peaceful and enjoyable trip.

Or you can contact me here for more expert advice: 

merlotmom@losangelesdepartmentofchildservices.com/holdingcell8 

あなたの歓迎

(Your welcome)

P.S.  This post?  MAJOR time suck.

Give Me The Grateful Life - Monday

Traveling has been a dream of mine since I went to Europe after graduating college. At that point, I hoped one day I could offer my kids an education beyond their classrooms, an opportunity to open their eyes earlier than I did. (Hey, it was 1984 - even Al Gore didn't know the internet was coming.)

Our travels began last summer with a trip to NY, London, and Paris. Despite my kids being awake when they should have been asleep and asleep when they should have been awake, and in spite of their constant whining and complaining, they came back changed, their purview of the world a little broader. For the few months that followed, instead of illustrating footballs, soccer balls, and dogs on his school projects, my son drew pictures of the London Bridge, the Empire State Building, and wrote stories about a really, bad man he learned about in a Paris museum named Hitler.

So, now that I'm past the procrastination and the palpitations of last week (sorry if I left a few of you short of breath), it's time for Give Me The Grateful Life - Monday. Here's what this bitch is showing gratitude for this week...

1. I am grateful that we are embarking on an amazing, family adventure and hopeful we can hold our bladders long enough to skip those "traditional Japanese toilets". Ewwww.
2. I am grateful for (unfat) Deb who is a godsend sent from above Jenn@Juggling life. TY.
3. I am grateful that JCK walked away from a frightening, multiple car collision on Saturday night (and hope that she's still feeling okay).
4. I am grateful that my kids are no longer in camp and we can all sleep in this week.
5. I am grateful for professional carpet cleaners (yes, again).

What are you grateful for? Please tell me in your comments...
(I love that you comment people but this gratitude thing is supposed to benefit everyone . So tell me what your grateful for and we can all be the better for it. Dammit!)

*photo courtesy of pc.org