I Am Such A Mutha

 Abe's New Home

(he's in the right corner hiding behind the plastic plant, he's shy)

As of today, I am now the reluctant, too-weak-to-say-no beaming and proud mother of a fish.  His name is Abraham Lincoln.

Good ol' Abe is a take-home gift from my son's science class.  I was told he'd be bringing home a Betta fish.  So,  excellent mother that I am, I drove the twenty minutes to Petco and spent $30+ on a tank, gravel, food, plants, and water conditioner.  Then I drove twenty minutes back to school to pick up the new bundle of wiggly joy and bring it home.

Only, the bundle was not a beautiful Betta, it was a gigunta goldfish.   

Oops. 

So, excellent mother that I am,  I took honest Abe in the car with me for another twenty minute ride to Petco. After the bag fell to the floor twice almost causing me to steer my minivan into opposing traffic,  and freaking out the now frenzied fish,  I drove with one hand and held the fragile ziploc with the other. I had this undeniable urge to protect lil Abe, keep his stress level nice and low.  Partly for the sake of lil Abe, partly for me - I didn't want to be the bearer of a  D.O.A.

Where was my son, you ask?

He, very conveniently, got invited to a sleepover that started right after school.  So all the promises he made when we agreed to add to our already pet-maxed home, to be responsible for the care and cleaning of the new addition...yes, well, as I risked my safety driving one-handed down winding roads all the way BACK to Petco for a fish I barely knew, I realized... I was the one who'd been taken for a ride.

(Will I ever learn?)

So instead of enjoying a free afternoon (and how often do I get that? umm, NEVER!),  reading or writing or watching a movie, my hours were spent making sure honest Abe had a sustainable and comfortable environment.  (What happened to the days of the bare fish bowl and toxic tap water...that's what I wanna know?)

And why do I care?  Well, I asked myself the same question and all I came up with was because ever since I gave birth, my maternal instincts no longer discriminate.

But I will draw the line at insects and snakes... TRY ME.

Mutha f*%k.