Friday, May 22, 2009

Notes from the PMS Trenches

PMS episode #:  342

Dear Diary,

I can tell I'm about to get my period because I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon with my head inside my pantry. 

First, I grazed on chocolate, then cookies, then tortilla chips.  Then I tried to be good and ate a nectarine, an apple with peanut butter, and then I went back to chocolate.  After that, I drank chamomile tea to settle my stomach.

I thought I'd start off fresh today.  Have a healthy breakfast, one that would keep me full and ward off the munchies until I could eat a healthy lunch. 

After dropping my car off to be serviced, I walked to Wilshire Boulevard to get some breakfast.  There is no shortage of restaurants on this part of the Wilshire strip;  three Jewish delicatessens, a health food/yogurt cafe, Subway (ugh, as far as breakfast is concerned), Krispy get the picture, Diary. 

Stangely enough, I found myself walking past all these places.  It was as if my body had a will of it's own,  like it was my own personal ouija indicator, guiding me toward some mysterious culinary secret.

Well, never underestimate the power of PMS, it has excellent taste.  Here is where it led me:

Huckleberry is a small cafe that serves breakfast and lunch.  It's only a few months old and is run by the pastry chef of a well-known eatery a few doors away.

Run by a pastry chef.

Diary, how am I supposed to resist that?  PMS or no, but especially with PMS.  Gah!

After ordering my fried eggs atop roasted asparagus, dusted in a fine parmesan reggiano, I was supposed to move forward to let others order while I moved on to the cashier.  Instead,  I remained in place, ogling these:

and these:

and these:

Fresh berry tarts the size of my kitchen sink, vahlrona-filled croissants so big you need to nap or throw up afterward, chocolate truffle pudding, jelly-filled donuts sugar dusted to perfection, just baked country sourdough loaves, cupcakes, tea breads, and more, so much more.  
And all in one place!   I could get the nutrients my body needed, eggs, asparagus, cheese, and then chow down on all the carbs and sugar my body could tolerate.  They even had potato chips to satisfy my salt craving.
I found myself standing in the PMS pantry from heaven thinking all menstruating women should experience this manna.   
It was a morning I'll never forget.  
Today, I was a lucky girl.  A bit nauseous, and bloated, but a very lucky girl.
Until next month,
Your friend forever,


JCK said...

Oh...nirvana, indeed! I have heard of Huckleberry..even over in these parts. Yummy!

Magpie said...

Mmm - it's breakfast time right this very minute and there is NO PLACE nearby that looks like that.

Manic Mommy said...

We used to have a chocolate shop at the mall near my office. Each month, my assistant and I would take turns buying a pound or so of the chocolate covered pretzels.

So sweet, so perfect for two PMS-y bitches in need of a treat...

(ps my word verification is HARSH)

Stephanie said...

Okay, okay. All I want to eat is chocolate and peanut butter w/ apples. yum! I know this feeling, especially at this time of the month!...and looking at those pastries, I'm about to head right back to the pantry to see what I can throw together...uh-oh!

Elisa said...

I made the mistake of buying a jar of Nutella, thought my daughter who loves chocolate would like it. Needless to say I'm the only one eating it and can't stop. On bread, on apples, on pretzels, on a spoon...
And I don't have PMS anymore so what is my excuse?

anymommy said...

At 34 weeks, those cravings are permanent. I may be coming to visit you.

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