Monday, November 17, 2008

When Do Moms Come First?

6 Have you asked yourself this question?

I have, many times since leaving my career in television.  I thought it would be a pleasure to leave the rat race and become a SAHM.  I fantasized about baking cookies, walking my kids to the park, cooking family meals, and reading (something other than scripts).    After four years at home, I have done all of these things yet I’m still haunted by a sense of dissatisfaction.

When I worked, I blamed the feeling on my bosses, the demands of my job, the office politics; I thought staying home would eliminate my obstacles to self-satisfaction.  But, instead of blaming it on my work, I started blaming it on my family.  Days filled with fighting over homework, carpooling, grocery shopping, and cleaning dishes were not exactly soul-enriching endeavors.  I became angry, resentful of the people I loved.
I’d dreamed of being a writer since I was small.  I worked with tv writers and read stacks of how-to books on writing but fear and lack of confidence kept me from actually trying to become one.  Nevertheless, the dream continued to nag at me and in my 30’s I stirred up enough courage to take some classes.  Unfortunately, courage was not enough and with two babies at home, writing for hours a day just wasn’t a reality.  So I let myself become distracted.  After all, being helpful to others and checking off to-do lists was much easier to do than risk my own failure.

So here I am, close to 50, and still poked by this dissatisfaction...   (link to rest of article here)

*this post is an original to LA Mom's Blog

7 Comments:

Marinka said...

I think this post resonates with every single mother out there. I think it's important for moms to come first not only for their own sake, but for their children's. So that we can model self-appreciation for them and not teach our children that it's ok to put our dreams on hold indefinitely.

I hope that you keep writing. But don't do it for the compliments and what other people will say. Do it because it's what writers do. Good luck.

gnomespeak said...

Good on you! As a daughter of a mother who is turning 50 this year, I am so happy for you!

the mama bird diaries said...

As someone who has met you... I am just STUNNED that you are anywhere near 50. I know. Shallow comment for such a thoughtful, amazing post. But really, you look fabulous.

csquaredplus3 said...

I agree with Marinka - "this post resonates with every single mother out there." I'm a mother, but I think women in general can relate to this.

You're a wonderful example for all of us who struggle with giving ourselves permission to try something - whether we succeed or fail.

merlotmom said...

thanks to all you guys for the support. i'll try not to abuse it!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Yay for you! You can doubt yorudelf all you want - I do it all the time. But then you write anyway. Because even after you're published, you'll probably still continue to doubt yourself. But then you write anyway. And even after you've sold millions of your 4 or 5 novels, you'll still continue to doubt yourself.

But then you keep writing anyway.

See how that works?

merlotmom said...

GOT IT! NGIP. thanks. and the sad thing is, i know you're right.

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