Wednesday, July 16, 2008

BlogHer Bitches: Pretty Maids All In A Row

By "maids" I'm referring to the Eagles song off of the Hotel California album. I am in NO way suggesting that you bitches are professional house cleaners, although most of you probably ARE.

All this talk about BlogHer is making me crazy.

I know it's beginning to piss off those of you who aren't going, and I'm sorry about that - both for having to read about it and for the fact that you're not going. Truly.

But, since I am going, the talk is raising my anxiety level (that's just not right, ladies) because I'm reading about how all of you are primping and prepping your little hearts out to the tune of this one who is hairstyling, this one and this one who are shoe buying, this one and this one who are outfit coordinating, not to mention those of you who are mani-pedi-ing, waxing, shaving, and don't even get me started on this one who is fat-sucking (I kid you not, check it out for yourselves), a true original that girl.

I thought single women on dates went to all this trouble so they could get laid married a free meal. But the ones I'm referring to, and many others that remain nameless (for no reason other than I can't remember who you are and I don't have the patience to go back and search all the damn blogs on my reader), are married - SO WHAT GIVES?

Lest you think I'm criticizing, I am NOT. I like all of you. It's not you - it's me. I'm just not a girly girl. I never joined a sorority, though some of my best friends were members of the tribe. I admittedly never "got" this kind of girl behavior. I'm a bit of a rebel that way, not secure enough I guess to let women judge me and determine if I have value. Not that they don't do it anyway, I just pretend I don't care, is all.

So, I've never before experienced this make-myself-attractive-girl-on-girl frenzy and to be honest, it's kind of FREAKING ME OUT. I mean, unless you're going to try to kiss me (I've heard about some of you huggers), WTF?

So I have a message for all of you ladies... STOP! Please, STOP!

I CAN'T, I DON'T want to keep up. I dress okay. I'm no schlub. But I'm the type who figures out what I'm packing the night before, or even the morning of, and God help me if I don't have what I need 'cause then I'm shit out of luck and have to go with whatever isn't dirty or in need of tailoring.

That's my way and I'm sticking to it. But now my ways are making me think I'm going to show up there and all you guys are gonna be dolled up, well-coordinated, and smelling like fresh rain or tropical flowers, while I'll be my usual eye-make up smeared, t-shirt and jean wearing, smelling like laundry-soap self.

Whatev! Right? Be as I am, yeah, yeah. Okay. I will. But STOP TALKING ABOUT IT so I can be HAPPY about it, WILL YA?

Thank you.

This message was sponsored by merlotmom's high school insecurities




9 Comments:

slouching mom said...

AMEN.

Candid Carrie said...

Alright, that was funny. I am avoiding all of the popular people that are going. I am happy for them and everything, but it is kind of ol' school. If you are going to the party, don't talk about it around the less fortunate. But by you calling them bitches, well that helped me.

A Mom Two Boys said...

I totally get where you're coming from. And as I'm reading this, I'm in the middle of a post of the exact opposite nature!

This is my take on the situation:

I spend EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE wearing jeans & t-shirts & covered in baby snot & food. I don't shower until 11 and even then, I don't take the time to dry my hair or put on much make-up.

SO, now I have a chance to spend 3 days by myself, kid free, and I'm taking advantage of it. I'm going to wear skirts. And nice tops. And take the time to do my hair and put on make-up. I'm going to be Meghan, NOT Dylan & Zach's mom, which I will be every other day of my life. Which is awesome and I love it, but this week it's about ME. And I'm going to have fun.
With you. :0)

P.S. Original said...

Women dress for the discerning eye of other women silly, men wouldn't notice if we were covered in sack cloth and ashes....

ByJane said...

Yeah, the intensity of it really shocked me the first year I went. Now I try to see it from an anthropological POV: this is what the female natives do when they get really anxious. They groom themselves, and they present their grooming to the tribe. I think it seems worse this year because there are ONE THOUSAND OF US GOING!!!!
My style is to intend to Plan My Outfits in advance (like a good girl), but to never do it. So I end up packing whatever at the last minute.

Jan said...

I heart you.

From another Not Girly-Girl. In Crocs and Capris.

Cheryl Lage said...

Bwahahahahaha! I am so not attending BlogHer...not because I don't want to, but merely because I think I am a bit too new to the game, a bit to ensconsed in a summer with 6-year-old twins and maybe just a wee bit not ready yet.

If it makes you feel better, I'll drink and be mid-life and maybe even not shave my legs...just to balance things away from BlogHer08.

(Maybe I'll meet you there next year. I'll be sure to give you a hug. ;) )

Found you via Candid Carrie...love your style!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

THANK YOU for throwing this out there. While I am not attending Blogher, I completely agree with you and it absolutely reminded me of the saying that women dress for other women, not for men.

On the other hand, I can see where "a mom two boys" comes from, and I don't blame her. It's fun to go out and play dress up. But like you said, it's overwhelming if people get all caught up in it and that's all they talk about...as if there will be some best-dressed award or something.

I think you should go in your t-shirt and jeans and just vomit confidence all over everyone. Then it won't matter one lick what people are wearing, especially if Joan Rivers isn't on hand to ask them about it anyway.

Manic Mommy said...

All I can hear as I read this is Van Morrison's Wild Nights - All the girls walk by, dressed up for each other.

If I were going, I'd get the mani/pedi and beg, borrow, or steal some clothes that didn't scream "mommy". So I could go and talk about being a mommy blogger with other mommy bloggers.

I'm with Meghan (you know, Zach and Dylan's mom). It's just fun to remember you, by yourself. However you express that.

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