Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Bat Mitzvah Talk Will Not Stop Until October - Deal With It!

 

 
Guest List - done
Invites - done   (despite losing 25 of them the night before they went out)  
Mitzvah (charity) Project- chosen and in process.
Florist - chosen
Caterer - chosen
DJ, photographer, entertainment - chosen
Video Montage - WORKING ON IT!
Hair appts - booked
Hebrew Names for family - who the f**k knows.
Daughter's dress/shoes - done
Husband's suit/shoes - done.
Son's outfit/shoes - this weekend.
My outfit - who the f**k knows.

After a lifetime of being a non-Jewish Jew, I am suddenly immersed in everything Jewish.  We're doing Shabbat, going to Friday night services, becoming buddies with the (heretofore strangers) Rabbi and Cantor. 

Not to say it's bad.  In fact, it's rather nice.  But while I can organize a party as well as the next yahoo, I am out of my league when it comes to the religious aspects of the Bat Mitzvah.  Memorizing and singing prayers (and, of course, understanding their meaning!), researching Hebrew names, figuring out the logistics of the actual ceremony...

...Way...Over...My...Head. 

It's gibberish.  It's greek.  It's daunting.

OY.

And the part that gives me the most tsuris?  Is the SPEECH. 
I am the mother of the Bat Mitzvah girl, for God's sake.  I can't have a lame speech!

OY. 

And, yes, some part of this event IS ABOUT ME!

I want the speech to be good.  Really good.  So, of course...I'm having total writer's block.

Does someone, anyone, have ideas/advice on writing a dynamite speech?
The last time I spoke in front of a lot of people was Public Speaking 101 at UMich which was way too long ago to mention, much less draw from.

 Any openers?  Jokes?  Ghost writers?  (kidding).   But advice and guidance would be greatly appreciated. 

OY.


*photo courtesy of google images

7 Comments:

the mama bird diaries said...

This is basically like planning a wedding for a 13 year-old. I suddenly can't believe we are raising our kids jewish. Oy is right.

Rhea said...

Gosh, my parents didn't make a speech when I had my Bas Mitzvah. I guess the stakes are higher than they used to be!

Manic Mommy said...

Sorry, this recovering Catholic has nothing to offer.

I had to call my friend Susan Tenenbaum to ask her what to do for my neighbor (Eliott Epstein)'s shivah.

Ann's Rants said...

Lists are always an easy, crowd pleaser.

Top 10 reasons I'm proud of you (tears)

Top 10 reasons I'm so glad we finally reached today (laughter)

Top 10 reasons I know you'll be successful (tears)

Top 10 things you can now focus on instead of your Torah portion (funny, yet meaningful)

Best of luck!

French Fancy said...

*After a lifetime of being a non-Jewish Jew,* - I'm one of them as well. Fun isn't it?

Good luck with your table planning. Don't sit the Cohens next to the Greens whatever you do - remember what happened between Bella and Sidney that time

anymommy said...

A very non-Jewish Jew here and I am no help. I think, like a wedding, if the hosts (you!) can relax and enjoy, everyone else will too? I'd say take notes over the next few weeks about everything you love/hope for your beautiful girl. The speech will follow.

2KoP said...

Here's the truth — and I offer this only because you have posted this handy-dandy checklist and my son's bar mitzvah is at the end of November — I have actually ghost written several bar/bat mitzvah speeches for terrified parents. I'm willing and able to help, especially since it appears you're a fellow Michigan alum (true?).

Here's where we stand on your checklist:

Guest List - done, but still missing a couple addresses
Invites - designed, paper/eps purchased, ready to print
Mitzvah (charity) Project- chosen and in process.
Florist - not having one
Caterer - all done by the restaurant
DJ, photographer, entertainment - my husband's problem
Video Montage - WORKING ON IT!
Hair appts - thank god he's a boy
Hebrew Names for family - who the f**k knows.
Other children's clothing/shoes - working on it
Husband's suit/shoes - his problem.
Son's outfit/shoes - this weekend.
My outfit - who the f**k knows.

Thanks for the list. Honest, I write killer speeches.

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