Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Making Lemonade Out of Lemons - Sort Of

I'm inundated with household bullshit today. I'm Donna Reed with a MAC. Buried in papers to fill out and checks to write. My ear tethered to a phone stuck on interminable hold made worse by corny, elevator soundtracks.

But I can find a way for even this dull day to not rank as a total loss. I would like to share a few of my delightful, domestic insights with you my bloggy, blogger friends (whether you want me to or not):

  1. If you drink four glasses of wine with dinner take an Advil before bed or be prepared to be a total bitch the next day.
  2. If you are woken in the middle of the night by the piercing shrieks of a cat being attacked by a coyote expect whatever sleep does follow to be riddled with horrifying, Manson-like images.
  3. Periodically clean out the center cone thing-y in your washing machine or you'll end up with a two inch thick, five inch long nasty smelling, wet sheet of moldy, lint-y sludge.
  4. Don't leave in the garbage the bag that held the fresh fish you cooked for dinner the night before.
  5. Never hide a tennis ball from a Labrador puppy behind your six foot fence and on top of your operating air conditioning unit. Where there's a ball, there's a way.
Yes, this is my life. Don't you wish you were me?

Hey, bitches! It's not Monday. I don't have to be grateful today.
Suck it.
(sorry, it's the hangover.)

13 Comments:

Karen said...

Number 1. gah!! only it took TWO whole days, 4 tylenol AND a BC powder. Whatever happened to those carefee underage drinking days when there was no sufferage!?

oh... I turned 42. thats what!

Hill Country Hippie said...

Is this a common thing out in California -canyons, cats and coyotes? It's been a major topic over on Wannabe Hippie's blog this week. You guys are giving me nightmares!

Manic Mommy said...

But I bet you were a barrel of fun somewhere around glass three...

Oh, and I don't think you could take it if I hit you today...

Cassie said...

I always try to remember to take tylenol & drink a bottle of water after I've had wine. You're right, when I don't, I'm a huge bitch the next day. Not to mention whiny. I'm very whiny and unbearable when I'm hungover.

Eat something completely fattening and feel better (un-hungover?) soon :)

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

2 glasses of wine give me a headache and a hangover : ( Of course, maybe they are really large glasses....

* I'm having a CONTEST! Have you entered yet? *

Connie said...

You just made me realize that I'm out of wine.

Must make hubby bring some home...in exchange for 'favors'. LOL!

Florinda said...

I've lived with a Lab mix, and can totally vouch for #5. And I have found that I need that Advil even after just 2 glasses of wine (low tolerance, apparently).

Hope your day gets better!

Wifey said...

Damn, you have to clean that center thing in the washing machine out? Oops. It's been nine long years...

jill said...

I used to be able to drink 4 glasses of wine and do just fine the next day, now I wake up at in the middle of the night if I have more than 2 glasses. Its such a drag, because it seems like lately I need the 4 glasses more than ever, it's hell to get old!!

JCK said...

I've been in hell today myself, only without the hangover. I could use it now. The wine. Not the hangover.

Added Outlook to my laptop. Tech support at our internet provider changed the codes. They were corrected. Which caused 8,950 emails to be downloaded from my yahoo account's server. Not one digit is exaggerated. Not one.

The tennis ball....oh, no.

Mike said...

I'm definitely guilty of three and four! Also fun about three, in addition to the stink, is wondering why the heck your clothes won't dry!

And MERLOT Mom had wine last night? Shocking! ;)

heather... said...

You have to clean out the center thing? Oh shit.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Excedrin works great for #1 too.

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