Monday, February 11, 2008


I don't say this for reasons that D.T. did; because a loved one is sick or is dying.
My reasons are far less serious.
Nevertheless, coming home today from a visit with my OB-GYN, his words came to mind.
It seems, at 46, my body is signaling me to prepare for the big "M". It comes as no great surprise but hearing it from my doctor gave it gravitas.

Menopause? Really? But I've only just begun to live! Corny, I know, but it's how I feel. I was a late bloomer after a youth pockmarked with depression and a full blown case of PPD following the birth of my son, I have finally come into my own. In my 40's, I'm enjoying life rather than enduring it. I no longer question the roads not taken or wonder about the "what ifs". I'm happy with who and where I am. I'm ready to rock.

But menopause scares me. I fear it will bring with it the dreaded demons of my past and darken the halls that have only recently opened up to the light. My time in the sun has been brief, too brief, but long enough to feel it's warmth and appreciate the difference. I can only hope that when the demons knock, I will no longer find comfort in their company. I want to rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light. I hope that I'm able. I hope that I can laugh and dance and spin my way into the long good night.


Manic Mommy said...

I want to tell you not to worry; that it'll be okay. In my own experience with depression, I can recognize the swing, I find that just paying attention to my mind and body - and acting quickly when I notice something's amiss - helps me stay ahead of the game. That, and semi-regular 3,000 mile check-ups with my awesome therapist.

Rage, rage away. You'll win.

Dawn said...

I think I'm starting to see the light, but it seems far away still.

Can you still have PPD over a full year after the birth of a child if you're on anti-depressants?

There's so much about myself I hate. i thought that by 38, I'd have it all together and love myself. Be a confident, real woman. Not a little girl in a woman's shell. A squishy, old woman.


I hope you can hang on to your amazing confidence and belief in yourself. It sounds like it is well-earned.

InTheFastLane said...

But this time around, you will recognize the demons, if they do indeed show up. Knowledge is power.

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