I'm inundated with household bullshit today. I'm Donna Reed with a MAC. Buried in papers to fill out and checks to write. My ear tethered to a phone stuck on interminable hold made worse by corny, elevator soundtracks.
But I can find a way for even this dull day to not rank as a total loss. I would like to share a few of my delightful, domestic insights with you my bloggy, blogger friends (whether you want me to or not):
- If you drink four glasses of wine with dinner take an Advil before bed or be prepared to be a total bitch the next day.
- If you are woken in the middle of the night by the piercing shrieks of a cat being attacked by a coyote expect whatever sleep does follow to be riddled with horrifying, Manson-like images.
- Periodically clean out the center cone thing-y in your washing machine or you'll end up with a two inch thick, five inch long nasty smelling, wet sheet of moldy, lint-y sludge.
- Don't leave in the garbage the bag that held the fresh fish you cooked for dinner the night before.
- Never hide a tennis ball from a Labrador puppy behind your six foot fence and on top of your operating air conditioning unit. Where there's a ball, there's a way.
Hey, bitches! It's not Monday. I don't have to be grateful today.
Suck it.
(sorry, it's the hangover.)
