I'm Too Busy Freaking Out To Write A Coherent Post

My daughter is 12 years old today.

Did you hear me...T-W-E-L-V-E !

I'd like to prove to you that this is mathematically impossible but, the sad thing is, it hasn't been mathematically impossible for... (computing...computing...) TWENTY-TWO YEARS. Ack!

13 (first period) + 12 (daughter's age) = 25 - 47 (my age in Dec.) = one very depressed, number-challenged mama.

I mean Jamie Lynn Spears will be 28 when her daughter is 12. Bristol Palin, not quite 30. Hello? Should I be jealous? Jeez, what am I saying? See, I told you, I'm incoherent.

It's just that I blinked my eyes and suddenly I'm almost 50 with a teenager on my hands. (If this post goes on any longer I'll be ready for retirement by the time it's finished). Forget pre-teen. Have you seen girls these days? 12 is the new 15. These babes are TEENAGERS.

In my mind, I'm still the 12 year old girl, pimples erupting, hormones raging and silently crushing on cute, young boys who don't give me the time of day. Only now it's labeled peri-menopause. Or sad. Or Cougar.

Someone, quick, get me a rope.

I'll be spending my weekend soaking my wrinkled face and caramel-coated grays in a nice room-temperature tub of merlot BUT you all have a terrific weekend.

Visit me next week for Give Me The Grateful Life - Monday and the next installment of Merlotmom Does Japan. By then, I should be less hysterical, more grateful ... or dead.

TTYL girlfriends!