I'm Not Dead...I'm Just Dodging Curveballs

I just thought I'd stop by MY OWN BLOG to tell everyone I'm still alive.

The last few weeks have been 1) surprising 2) a bit alarming 3) a huge, distracting pain in my ass.

I'm having teenager and school issues. My "A" student was failing all her core classes. It was a shock to my system, indeed, and I went through the "I am a horrible mom for not having seen this" and "how could my baby lie to me with such a straight-face?" phase. Now, I am taking action. I am the homework police and literally sitting on my daughter to make sure she does her work, puts it in her bookbag, and HANDS IT TO HER FREAKING TEACHERS. I email each of them every few days to confirm. So far, in a few short weeks, she's gone from risking repeating 7th grade to a 3.4GPA. WTF!!!!

This on top of already sitting on my third grader to finish his homework before running out to play basketball, stuffing his face with cookies to keep him from whining and crying, and yelling at the dogs to keep them from barking because they, too, want to go out and play.

This on top of my "I refuse to believe I've hit middle-age" husband who continues to do karate despite already tearing a bicep 7 years ago, who went out last weekend and tore HIS OTHER BICEP leading us to the ER and the hospital next week for surgery and 6 weeks of immobilizing and painful post-op.

This while we've been attempting to spring clean and spruce up our house for our daughter's upcoming Bat Mitzvah. (Apparently, now the heavy lifting is all MINE).

And you know, I could be the sensitive, doting, wife (but when have I ever been, really).
Instead, I am pissed...and you know why????, No??? I'll tell you... Because even after tearing both his bicep tendons, muscles, whatever, (not to mention countless other back and other large muscle injuries over the years), HE IS STILL GOING TO GO BACK TO KARATE WHEN HE'S HEALED... TO GET HIS BLACK BELT!

F**K THAT!

I say if he wants sensitivity, here's what he should do:
1) Send me to Hawaii
2) Call rent-a-wife.

"Oh, poor baby".
ALOHA.



Nice talking to y'all. Hope to be back soon!