It's Good To Get Out Once In A While

I forget how much I like my friends. 

I spend much of my time in solitude:  writing, in my car listening to NPR, walking with my dogs.  And when I'm not alone, I'm with my family. 

I'm not a total hermit.  There's plenty of time in the day with people around:  volunteering at school, carpool, play dates.  And I cherish Thursdays with my writing workshop where I am amongst a group of people whose interests are the same as my own - HEAVEN.  But, when the day is done: the dinner dishes cleaned, the next day's lunches made, the kids asleep, what I most likely haven't managed to do is connect with my friends.  Days, weeks, even months go by without talking to people I love. 

Someone once said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  I think it just makes you self-involved.

This is not an epiphany.  I just happen to be feeling it this morning after a particularly fun night with old friends that left me inebriated, suffering from insomnia, and emotional.

The thing about not getting out is that you forget there is a whole world out there full of interesting people who you like and who like you, too.  It seems I'm not alone in this.  That many of us, in our child-rearing years, between working and family responsibilities, suffer from the same inability to escape our fish bowls.

I wish I had an answer for this.  We all talked last night about having once-a-month rotating dinner parties.  (Of course, I suggested progressive parties, with grain alcohol, the likes of which I attended in college, but seeing how well I managed on just white wine, I think I'll reconsider).

I wish I could tell you (as I'm telling myself right now), that I'm going to be better about making plans with friends, better about calling them and my family, better about venturing outside of my bubble.  BETTER ABOUT BLOGGING. 

Right this moment, I WILL improve at all of those things.
 
Tomorrow, once this hangover has subsided and my emotions are once again pushed down beneath the usual daily hustle, who knows?

I'm off to fix myself a Bloody Mary and think about it.
Ugh.
Just kidding.

What do you do to stay connected with friends?

Give Me The Grateful Life - Monday

Yes, I'm back, so Give Me The Grateful Life -  Monday is back, too.  Aren't you, ummm, grateful???  Here goes...

• After an amazing trip abroad, I am grateful to be  living in the good ol' US of A (and optimistic that great political changes are coming).
  

• Today, I am particularly grateful for friends.

This weekend, a friend of mine lost his closest childhood buddy and business partner in a motorcycle accident.  His reply to my note was, "I feel as if my heart has been ripped out."

A day later, one of my dearest friends collapsed and was taken by ambulance to the hospital .

The events of this weekend have made me realize how suddenly and without warning someone, anyone, can be taken from us.

The good from the bad???  I'm going to put my friends higher on my "to do" list.

What are you grateful for?


*Japan series starting later today.  Look for it!
** photo courtesy of Google Images

My BlogHer Bitches - IRL

I've been remiss in writing about all the wonderful people I met at BlogHer. Partly, because I've been consumed with getting a new Iphone (I got one!)and with fixing my damn email problems. And partly because I don't want to add to the already annoyingly voluminous posts on the same subject.

BUT...
(sorry non-BlogHers)

I MUST give a shout-out to some lovely ladies who helped make my first BlogHer an incredible experience.

I met so many (I have over 100 business cards to prove it) so I will only mention some of the gals I hung out with:


A MOM TWO BOYS (I love you. I saved your drunk-dialed phone message on my phone cause it was just so DAMN SWEET). We must get together to drink wine - lots and lots of wine. You are such a cutie-pie even if you are 17 years younger (ouch!)

HEADLESS MOM - You are a blast and I totally dug your "business card". Too bad the puppy got a hold of it. Loved hanging out with you, wish I could have done it more, damn Iphone...

MOMMY BITS - What can I say, you and I are a good team - we could part the Red Sea if alcohol was involved. And who else can I thank for posting my Iphone debacle on twitter. I'll be famous forevah!

ANDREA'S SWEET LIFE - You were so much fun to hang with and you seriously have the cutest glasses and the BESTEST hair.

BYJANE - Dahling, it was soooo good to finally meet you. We must get together when you've settled in - BEVERLY HILLS, perhaps????

MOTHERSCRIBE - Babe, you are so nice, not to mention a looker. Not only are you beautiful but you write erotic poetry - a guy's dream! And those fishnets, ooh, those fishnets...

AMY IN OHIO - I have your card and I will DEFINITELY NEVER forget you. You are a ton o' fun.

NO WATCH ME! - Glad I spent the evening with you. You trusted me to choose your lip gloss. That means SO MUCH to me.

SAVVYAUNTIE - a long lost sister of the East Coast (including Canada) kind. Who else would I let share my room?

Next year in Jerusalem at BlogHer (or sooner in Vegas - huh, huh?)



*photo stolen from courtesy of A Mom Two Boys' flicker stream. (I would have uploaded more but my computer didn't cooperate)

CHANGE IS GOOD

I've been thinking a lot about change lately and given this holiday it seems appropriate to put a voice to my mental ramblings. On a larger scale, with the looming presidential election, we are all talking about change. After years of watching our prosperous country swirl down the economic crapper, it's not hard to weigh the benefits. But on a smaller, more personal scale, I think it is difficult to come to this point of certainty. By we, I mostly speak of, women.

This week, the beloved principal of our elementary school, informed us that, after four years, she'd accepted another job. Immediately, a frenzy of anger and betrayal swirled around campus. Sadness, worry and hard-feelings swelled the phone lines.

I thought about the difference between men and women in dealing with change. With women, there's most often a resistance, an emotional tug of war between events unknown and the sure thing - no matter how imperfect. It's the "devil you know" syndrome. We wrangle with breaking up bad marriages, quitting a job, even letting go of opinions of ourselves that we've held since childhood. We attach a sense of identity and familiarity to what we know and wonder who we would be without them. The unknown is scarier than anything we've already survived.

I think our greatest and most powerful female trait is our acute ability to connect with our hearts and the hearts of others. We get to the root of the matter with our kids, spouses, and friends to a place many men don't consider and aren't brave enough to venture to without us. But our greatest asset can also be our greatest handicap. We scorn with the same ferocious dedication that we love. We give our all to those who are special to us, to our jobs, our responsibilities, but that devotion is tagged with a heavy price.

For me, it started in junior high school. The mercurial ins and outs of cliques. The loathsome stares and whispers. Social fluctuations I couldn't measure propelled me into social exile. If I knew then what I know now I'd have taken those girls less seriously, told them to f#@ck off . But I was sensitive and dependent on them for my identity. I needed them as much as I detested them. In summer camp, I awoke one morning to hear my friends whispering and snickering. Even with my eyes closed I felt the shift, the betrayal. A few solitary days later, these girls summoned me into our bathroom, positioned me on a toilet seat, and in front of a judge and jury of my "peers", ordered me to plead guilty/not guilty to a list of social offenses. I spent the rest of the summer in emotional and physical solitary confinement. My trust in girls was obliterated.

I know girl-bullying experiences are common and cutting which is why I suggest this as a possible cause for women's struggle with change. Maybe if we stop taking things personally, stop giving over our power, we wouldn't be so frightened of change. We could look at natural evolutions of life, like an intimate friendship morphing into something more casual, a boss losing a good employee to a competitor, or a beloved elementary school principal leaving for greener pastures, as transitions that are personal only to those initiating the changes. Men tend to step back and view these developments from a strategic standpoint, as opportunities for renovation and renewal. We, too, should have the faith in ourselves and others to see it this way.

As MLK said, "No man is an island. We are a piece of the continent, a piece of the main." We could learn to give other people the benefit of the doubt. To understand that change is natural, change is good. And to have faith in our strength to handle whatever the future brings.

Okay, so I'm a bit melodramatic. It's Martin Luther King Day. If not today, when?

Until tomorrow...