tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post6905127092319751309..comments2023-12-22T00:30:12.836-08:00Comments on merlot mom: Let's Talk About Sexmerlotmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383116319057495855noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-69942583381722123632008-09-01T20:20:00.000-07:002008-09-01T20:20:00.000-07:00I'm a huge advocate of encouraging a lot of talkin...I'm a huge advocate of encouraging a lot of talking. If some kid on the bus says "motherfocker", its ok to discuss it at the dinner table. All sorts of effort and restraint gone in the direction of helping them feel as comfortable as possible talking about ANYTHING. I believe this is true and my kids do open up and ask a lot of questions, but not about sex directly. Mostly about jerks at school using foul, sexually explicit language. Sad place to start, huh? <BR/><BR/>But..still my kids (13, 10, 10) get all shut-mouth whenever I bring up sexual topics. "MOM! Stop!" and they cover their ears. <BR/><BR/>So I agree that all kids are different. I don't agree that we wait and let them dictate the pace. Too risky for most kids. I believe we keep trying, try to approach our kids when they are relaxed and we are relaxed. In our family, that's not often. I keep saying I'm going to plan some lazy, quiet time with each child individually, that allows for good talks. It doesn't happen on its own. Soon. <BR/><BR/>My oldest is caught up to speed on the mechanics but its the politics we haven't covered.shrink on the couchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13271891110211081990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-13203150849973607612008-07-06T21:59:00.000-07:002008-07-06T21:59:00.000-07:00I don't necessarily agree with letting your kid ta...I don't necessarily agree with letting your kid take the lead in this area. If you have a talker, great, but if your child is shy or embarrassed, s(he) will never bring up the subject.<BR/><BR/>The car is great — it's private, you don't have to look at each other and you can usually keep the focus pretty narrow and the discussion/talk fairly short. Most of the time it works out pretty well. One time my daughter said "this conversation is over." I thought it was important that I finished my thought, so I pulled rank: "Too bad, honey. This is important, and it's my car. Let me finish what I have to say and, if you want, we can talk about it again another time.<BR/><BR/>One other great tip: read young adult novels that your daughter might be reading to get an understanding of what she may be thinking about. After my daughter read the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" novels, I asked her why she thought Bridget changed so much from the first book to the second book. She responded that "Bridget had sex before she was ready." We were able to have a great conversation about that topic without making it personal.<BR/><BR/>Finally (and then I'll shut up), this is definitely not <I>one</I> talk. Your little "snippets" are exactly what's needed in the long run. Your daughter needs to know that she can come to you with her questions and I agree with a couple of your other commenters that she definitely hears you. Good luck. P.S. I think girls are easy; having discussions with my sons about equipment I don't own and experiences I've never had — now that's hard.Susan Bearmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14991968368214219371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-1610766701760714982008-07-04T20:30:00.000-07:002008-07-04T20:30:00.000-07:00Don't be in such a hurry. She'll let you know whe...Don't be in such a hurry. She'll let you know when she has a question as long as you back off and stay open. I have a 19 yr old son and a 15 yr old daughter. Both different, but I let them take the lead. Maybe your daughter would like to remain a kid a while longer. You're protecting her and keeping her safe. I vote for letting her be.<BR/><BR/>p.s. I'm sorry your Mom said that to you at age 17. That is not what I would say to my kid.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-68645528664814357992008-07-01T20:52:00.000-07:002008-07-01T20:52:00.000-07:00and PS - don't make it a single conversation. Mak...and PS - don't make it a single conversation. Make it the beginning of an ongoing discussion. The more you talk to her about it, the more comfortable she will be coming to you with questions!{sue}https://www.blogger.com/profile/09266404817244565359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-46809344700023390792008-07-01T20:50:00.000-07:002008-07-01T20:50:00.000-07:00I second the car - or the dark. Lay down with her...I second the car - or the dark. Lay down with her at bedtime some night. And use all those cringe-worthy moments from the media - Jamie Lynn Spears and the rest to ask her what she thinks, what she knows, how she feels. (Let her lead the discussion!)<BR/><BR/>Good luck!{sue}https://www.blogger.com/profile/09266404817244565359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-65006747679486476852008-07-01T14:35:00.000-07:002008-07-01T14:35:00.000-07:00All 3 of my kids reacted very differently to "the ...All 3 of my kids reacted very differently to "the talk" and whether or not they would talk. I also had some books that I let them know were around in an accessible place if they wanted to refer to them. I think it is an ongoing subject because the questions and info they need varies at different ages. I did the HPV injections for my daughter cuz a friend died of cervical cancer. That opened a lot of discussions .......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-68741251758204933422008-07-01T13:47:00.000-07:002008-07-01T13:47:00.000-07:00I like the book idea and I like the car idea - jus...I like the book idea and I like the car idea - just plan a trip to Seattle and get comfortable. Just remember that whatever she thinks she knows, she learned from other 11 year olds. <BR/><BR/>Suddenly my potty training whining doesn't sound so bad...Manic Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02397835927560496425noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-84434637516943141172008-07-01T12:21:00.000-07:002008-07-01T12:21:00.000-07:00I think she hears you, but she's embarrassed. So ...I think she hears you, but she's embarrassed. So I would go to gently getting her to open up about being embarrassed and that it's as natural as--sex! I don't think you can impart your entire philosophy in a dialogue. How about using TV or films as a way of passing along one idea at a time. When you're watching something that relates to the general topic, just an off-hand comment, your two cents, would do the job.ByJanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10540902996183063666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-61308944107014532512008-07-01T11:19:00.000-07:002008-07-01T11:19:00.000-07:00when you are done talking to your daughter, come t...when you are done talking to your daughter, come talk to mine.Lynn - the piggy bank painterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00738862199364915114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-18505897140326243462008-07-01T10:35:00.000-07:002008-07-01T10:35:00.000-07:00My little angel really didn't want to hear anythin...My little angel really didn't want to hear anything I had to say AT ALL. Didn't want to know, hear or ask any questions. Best piece advice I got for discussing - in the car not having to face each other...cpckqueenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03073760668826311493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-3806736588983397222008-07-01T10:24:00.000-07:002008-07-01T10:24:00.000-07:00If she doesn't want to talk to you - she may just ...If she doesn't want to talk to you - she may just be uncomfortable talking about very intimate matters (especially with Mom!) - go to the library and find some very good books written especially for preteen girls on the subject. Read them yourself. Decide which ones are best and then give them to your daughter. (She <I>will</I> read them.) Don't ask her if she has any questions; ask her what she thought of them.<BR/><BR/>And don't be too hard on yourself. Even when we don't think they're listening, they are.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-69678391474342543102008-07-01T09:44:00.000-07:002008-07-01T09:44:00.000-07:00Oh my - my son will be 11 in Oct. and I having bee...Oh my - my son will be 11 in Oct. and I having been thinking about this day for some time. I am not sure what to say or how but I m going to be working on it for the next couple of months. <BR/><BR/>I asked his father if he wanted to do it and he just walked away, so I am guessing I will have to.<BR/><BR/>Oh my -oh my.Hair Bows & Guitar Pickshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12777608222288520089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-69170978391845573622008-07-01T07:34:00.000-07:002008-07-01T07:34:00.000-07:00Aaaagh! I didn't mean to put you to shame. Yes I ...Aaaagh! I didn't mean to put you to shame. Yes I am the friend. <BR/><BR/>Each kid is different... mine are just big talkers. I've known what everyone had for lunch at school for the past 8 years. Which isn't necessarily good or bad. I was trying to tell her what a good mom you are... I guess coming from another mom (i.e. the other team) it may have been wierd, but I do think she heard that.<BR/><BR/>Remember I came from a mother who worked for pro-choice issues when I was a child, and I grew up going to ERA rallies and hearing about reproductive rights while I was in the bathtub... so for me it just spews out, as it did from my mother. Again which isn't necessarily good or bad. <BR/><BR/>I think you are doing the right thing with your snippets. She's hearing you each time, even if she pretends she doesn't. Date night isn't a bad idea either. As long as you keep trying. There will come a day when she is ready to have a full talk and you will be there. I don't think you need to rush.<BR/><BR/>Love,<BR/>Your friendAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7475652659521783747.post-34722005035119726462008-07-01T06:04:00.000-07:002008-07-01T06:04:00.000-07:00My daughter (a very private person) asked the ques...My daughter (a very private person) asked the questions that led to this talk, way back in 3rd grade..right before school. I was a little afraid of what was churning in her little mind all day at school. But, at 13, she thinks she knows it all, already. So, every time I bring something up she says "I know, already mom." Real conducive to a prolonged conversation. Maybe a date night, with the two of you, once you have a plan?InTheFastLanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09691830067979224059noreply@blogger.com